Am I ready for this???

I know I want another baby and with the big 4-0 looming over my head I know the time is now. 

So what's the worry about? 

I just keep picturing myself getting two kiddos ready for daycare in the morning and I am scared at the work and the responsibility.  Scared.  Are most people scared when they think of all the work and responsibility of being a mom?  I am being honest, I get scared. 

I also picture myself having to give insulin shots during pregnancy and I get scared.  I'm scared of complications.  I'm scared of my diet and health.  I know I will worry through out the pregnancy (I'm not pregnant now). 

With that said and despite my fears I took my last pill on Wednesday 7-13-11.  So exciting!  I'm at the point, if it happens it happens.  I want it to.  I hope it does.  But, honestly, I'm scared AND excited all at once (same as with Anderson)!  I have to be ok if it doesn't happen too (maybe?)...???  Scary!

A few weeks ago (months now) we visited a friend with a newborn.  Anderson was curious and watched closely as I held this new very tiny one week old baby.  I even decided I would try to hold both (just to see) and both started to squirm and I started to get nervous (because I have a newborn that is not mine in my care)!  It seems very overwhelming.  I stressed out.  Can I do this? 

I know I will be overwhelmed at first, but with time we get accustomed to life.  It will be hard at first (no doubt) just like adjusting to being a mom was difficult (at least it was for me), but we will get through it and probably thrive.  I feel my family is not yet complete (call me selfish).  I want A to have a friend, a family member that he will grow up with, share memories with and drive me crazy with (hee hee).  I want them to play together, count on each other and share responsibilities together.  I don't care if we have a boy or a girl.  At first I really wanted one of each, now I really really don't care.  A healthy baby is all I care about.  That's it.  Nothing else matters in life, just a healthy baby.  Period.  I feel so strongly about that. 

Alex has been very mum on the subject (although we have decided to try again).  I'm sure he is scared too (for my health, for our family dynamics changing, for finances - two college tuitions, a small house etc).   He was really quiet about it so I had to ask the question if he really was ready for another and I encouraged him to be honest because I was scared and needed his support.  We could wait a bit longer if it wasn't quite right.  He said yes but...after some prodding he confessed he's concerned our current home is too small.  "Where will the baby go?"...he said.    It was weighing heavy on him - being able to provide for his family.  He also said he wanted for us to have a bigger house and all the things we wanted (large yard, bigger closets, fireplace, jacuzzi) and I told him we could still try to get all that, but our current house was just fine (I love our home).   If we were blessed with another boy they will share a room, and if it's a girl we will make the computer room a bedroom (or we could move by the time we actually had to worry about them having their own rooms).  I was happy we were being honest about our worries.  He's on board too.  I'm feeling a lot better and ready (that means for me).

So Am I ready for this?   Yes.  I'm putting on big girl pants and moving forward. 

Progress. 

15 Months Old - I love him!!

My little cutie is 15 months old!! 

Life has gotten to be so much fun now.  A's personality is starting to shine.   But tantrums have started during August.  He listens but only when he wants to.  He literally looks back as he runs away from me. 

He's too cute and the owner of my heart.  I love you my little man. 

Love Mommy

first hair cut - August 20, 2011

Little A (or not so little) had his first hair cut this past weekend.  He looks so grown up.  He hated every minute of it and so did I.  I loved his curls, but it was just so not manage-able in the front.  He was getting his bangs in his eyes.  I do like how it came out, but it could have been a little longer (so that we could have more curls).  The gentleman that did the cut did the best he could (considering A was crying hysterically), but the lines are not that straight!!  They will grow out eventually.  I will get a picture on here eventually. 

My little buddy and all his firsts, I love it so much.  A is my joy and he adds so much fun into our day.  Love you little buddy! 

Mom

I'm ready

I feel it, I'm ready for #2. 
I even thought I may already be but that has been determined already (thank you henrieta). 

I am putting it out there...
We are ready.   
Granted I'm still scared, but who is all responsible and not scared? 

I'm excited...
stay tuned.

Date Happy

Happy Friday!! 

The weather is beautiful and the weekend is upon us.  Doesn't get much better than this (well I could be on vacation)! 

At work today I was working on a project that was done by someone else last year on June 4, 2010.  That made me smile, thinking back to that day.

Is it always this way?  Just smiling when I think back to the birth of my baby boy.  I love  him so much!! 

Happy Weekend. 

14 Months Old

So cute and loveable...my little guy is 14 months old today!! 

Happy Birthday my snugbug! 

Mommy loves you!! 

An Update - Tooth #12 and #13 and counting...

August already, can you believe it?  I can not!  The summer is flying by. 

Today is the most beautiful summer day.  Perfect in my mind.  I want to run outside and not come to work...but no such luck.  I want to go swing with Anderson at the park.  (We still have to go get him a swing!!)  I would love to hang by the lake or sit at the beach and enjoy being outside.  But nope.  Summer is almost over (at least everyone makes you feel like it is) and I feel like I have so much more summer living to do before we start wearing sweaters and jackets. 

Anderson has been growing by leaps and bounds.  It is mind blowing really.  We sit and watch him in awe.  He's smart and is listening to commands now (go get your turtle...and he GOES and gets it!).  Unbelievable!

Anderson is officially walking more (or just about the same as crawling).  AND he is getting better every day at walking!! 

He's eating better too.  He actually self fed almost all of his food yesterday (meat, rice, peas and strawberries).  He FINALLY ate a piece of fruit (strawberries) yesterday.  Just shy of his 14 month birthday.  One small step for man one giant leap for A's development. 

Life is speeding by in warp speed.  I can't keep up with life...or if I try to keep up (and do it all) I feel a whirlwind is spinning around me (and I get totally exhausted).  I want to capture my baby this way, at this moment and keep these memories fresh in my mind forever.  I know that is not possible.  That is why I try to photograph and film him as much as possible.  But it never seems like enough.   I have no doubt when I am old and grey I will be looking back remembering the good ole days (and that day is today!).  I will be trying to remember the times when the baby was a baby!! 

I wish A could stay this way forever (cute, cuddly and still somewhat listening to me).  A's personality radiates enthusiasm...I love it.  He's a happy boy...for the most part (we all have our moments). 

How is it possible that one little guy stops three adults (me, dad and vovo) in the house in our tracks and makes us ooze with happiness, pride and joy?  How is that possible Mr. little guy?  Mr. A has that power and I hope he uses it wisely.   

His teeth are coming in and I have officially lost count of them all.  The teeth are everywhere and he is drooling like crazy.  I see the whites around the gummy flesh and that must be hurting him.  He's been putting some stuff in his mouth as well (but not too bad).  He barely complains but I imagine all those molars cutting in at the same time must be painful.  Yes, if he cries in the middle of the night I hold him.  I go to him and hold him and we snuggle.  Yes, I do.  I don't mind - for the most part.  Of course waking up EVERY night does have its limits on the body and mind though.  Becoming exhausted and tired and grumpy and weepy is no fun, but lately it hasn't been that way.  When A wakes up during the night we cuddle for a little while and he usually goes right out.  There are some exceptions.  Like for example, the other night A was seriously crying and that broke my heart, but after a few hours I was beside myself and crying too.  I gave him some hylands ointment on his teeth, some gripe water for his toots, then a little Tylenol and finally HOURS later I figured maybe he was hungry and gave him a bottle.  He went right out!   But I was a mess.  Last week was a bit rough in the sleep department, but I hope that is over.  This week is better, he's been sleeping so much better...but he did wake up for a little while (20 minutes) last night. 

Last night I was wired and up for a while (which doesn't happen too often, thank goodness).  I sat there in the dark and wonder if I am up for the responsibility of raising a baby...one baby?  Am I doing enough?  Will he have friends?  What else should I be doing?  Will he be shy, anti-social, or friendly?  Will he like school and play sports or an instrument.  I wonder if I have a second child, will I have double the worry or do you ever doubt yourself less (because of experience)?  Am I up for this?  Can I do it?  I swear insecurity is the enemy of parenting.  Insecurity is the enemy of many things. I wish I weren't so insecure.

I try not to let myself get in my own way...but sometimes I trip myself up.  Bummer.  Many times I try to ignore myself.  Hee Hee :)  Does that make sense?

I love Anderson so much, its all consuming.  What did I concern myself with before? 

It's official - walking

when do you consider your baby to be a walker?  Well A definately prefers crawling, but there is no denying that he can walk accross the kitchen (wobbly but still, he's walking). 

So it is official.  My toddler is walking he is 13.5 months old.  I'm so proud of my little guy.  Life is so exciting going through all these first with him.  It's such an honor to watch and be part of it.  He is a little being and his personality is totally coming out.  I love it, I love being witness to him growing and becoming a little guy! 

Kisses to A. 

Tooth #11

During some crying yesterday I noticed that little A had another tooth coming in.  It is a moeller on his upper left side.  Poor guy.  Those teeth must hurt. 

He currently has his top 4, bottom 4 plus one moeller on top right, one moeller on bottom right and his new top left makes 11.

Little A was up for two hours last night.  He couldn't sleep, he cried and he was grumpy overall.    I'm needing some toothpicks. 

Happy Weekend

Summer List 2011

Now that I have this blog I would love to start a new tradition (and copy what I have seen others in the blog world do) and plan out fun activities for the summer.  I realize I am a bit late with this list (and some of the list has already been accomplished, thank you very much), but I like having "lists".  I'm a list girl.  I find pleasure in crossing things off.   Plus, when the weekends come I can eyeball the list and have no doubt there is plenty to do! 

Some items are obvious (go to the beach), but somehow listing the goals make me feel like I'm enjoying summer and enjoying the season.   I'm not just stuck at work all summer; never enjoying the carefree nature of the season. 

Without further delay....here we go:

Summer 2011 goals:

• Go to Portugal for 2.5 weeks and start the season off great!!  DONE!!
• Go hiking (strolling) at Breakheart Reservation in Saugus
• Plan a Red Sox night!
• Our annual fried clam meal in Essex (Woodman's!) with VoVo
• Go to the Children's Museum, Aquarium, Zoo, or Butterfly Farm
• Plant flowers (thanks daddy) - our favorites Dahlias (we have planted them every year since Alex came to the states, they remind me of "us")
• Cut Hydrangeas from our garden and ENJOY them!!
• Spend time outside everyday enjoying Daddy's hard work 
• Plant a vegetable garden (thanks daddy) include Anderson's favorite - Butternut Squash and something fun (beans - they are growing and getting out of control)
• Harvest our vegetable garden as we go   
• Library (signing books)
• Go fishing with Daddy (Anderson and his Daddy)
• Go to Salem Willows  
• Visit Richardson's and the cows!  (and eat ice cream)
• Visit Brooksby Farm and the animals
• Sign up for Gymboree (or Little Gym) for the hot swealtering days
• Plan a play date with the birthday twins
• Attend daycare's family day (??) 
• Make waffles and strawberry sauce with our strawberries 
• Make strawberry shortcake with our strawberries
• Enjoy fresh blueberry pancakes (farm stand fresh) 
• Beach Day with the Tias
• Eat lots of watermelon
• Try root bear floats
• Lobsterfest
• mani and pedi (with vovo too) 
• Crab Legs with Uncle Tom
• Make homemade ice cream (strawberry, french vanilla)
• eat fresh blackberries from our garden - thanks Daddy
• visit farm stands (purple potatoes and fresh corn)
• Enjoy Kiddie Pool 
• Concerts in the Park (Sundays 6-8pm Leather City Commons 7/17 to 8/14)
• Picnic in the park (see above) 
• Farmers market in Peabody (at the Library 8/13 to 9/17), Tuesday at the Courthouse
• Briana's Play - Shakespeare in the Park
• Craft - laminate pictures of family/friends to teach Anderson
• Open fire pit BBQ (steak tips, hot dogs, smores, and ribs)
• visit neighbors fire pit!
• go to Bradley Palmer (in Topsfield) water park

Summer is such a fun time.  I hope to enjoy it as a family and have as much fun as possible.  I want to have these all checked off by September 21!

Enjoy!!