Role Models for Fatherhood

I have been thinking a lot of what type of role models influence us...and by how much. 

I look at my husband while he is playing with Anderson and it makes my heart smile.  Not only is my face smiling, but I feel something inside me, like a beam of light trying to escape my chest.  I feel my heart wanting to explode...giddy like.  I feel like my heart is smiling with joy. 

I often wonder what kind of role models my husband had in his life.  Especially male role models.  And the effect they will play on Alex's role as Daddy. 

I know his dad wasn't really "there for him" after his parents separated.  They had a "falling out" in Alex's early twenties (maybe late teens).  Something that they could not recover from.  BUT, from the stories Alex tells me from his youth his dad was "a hands on" Dad (and his mom too)...they did "play" together, his dad thought him things, spent time with him and showed him a strong work "ethic".  Alex has never said that his father was a good role model ... this is just my conclusion after some of the stories he has mentioned about his childhood (I may be wrong).  If I asked Alex he would probably say he was not a good dad (maybe I should ask Alex?).  Alex's stories of his youth tell me that his dad was really a "father".  Unfortunately some (mid-life crisis) issues came up later in life that spoil the good memories.  Even more unfortunate - since they never made amends - we will never know what could have been.  Alex's dad died on January 22, 2009.

Another role model for Alex was his grandfather.  Alex had a really tight connection with his grandfather (his mother's father).  They were very close and Alex was the only one his grandpa would listen too.  Alex spent many weekends at his grandparents home (when he was a child).  I'm not too sure his grandfather was a great role model in the typical sense (there have been lots of stories of him being abusive and being an alcoholic).  However their relationship seemed perfect (he was never abusive to Alex).  His grandfather made him feel loved and special.  This just my take on what Alex tells me.  His grandfather loved Alex just because!  They had a friendship, a connection, they hung out and enjoyed their time together.  Alex use to push his grandfather around in the wheelchair and go for rides.  His grandfather always bought him candy at the store.  They would carve wood figurines together.  To have someone love you - for you - makes you feel special and loved...and they had that relationship.   Not sure when he died, Alex was probably in his early teens (??). 

This just makes me think about what kind of father Alex will be and how much of our parenting style comes from within ourselves and how much is taught by our parents/family? 

I worry sometimes because the two main (male) influences in Alex's life were not a stable force...They were not good role models for a good portion of their life (from what I have been told).

Seeing Alex with the baby.  Playing with him.  Loving him.  Making plans for their future together.  Making a play room for the baby...Wanting to go to Borders to get toys and books for him. It's awesome.  It's more than Awesome, it's Daddy in the making.  Alex is a good father.  I'm so proud of him.   

Anderson has a Daddy that loves him "just because" and it makes me super happy that Anderson has a positive role model in his life.  I pray that Anderson always has a Daddy that loves him and a Daddy he can depend on.  And I pray that Alex always wants to be the father that I see in him today.

As I type this I realize this post has more to do with my own history with my father.  The only experience I have with fatherhood is my experience with my father...which was not good.  I just hope and pray and pray and pray that Anderson NEVER experiences what my father did to me.  Abandonment scars you for life.  That's a scar Anderson WILL NOT HAVE - PLEASE PRAY FOR THAT. 

Hug a good father if you are lucky enough to have one.  It's not by accident that a father is a good Dad.  Don't take for granted having a good father because some of us do not have a father to look up to.