Good Monday morning.
Today is gloomy Monday morning and it is pouring rain and cold. Burr. Feels like my mood...or the sadness I am feeling.
Over the weekend a few things came up concerning couples who are divorcing. I know of four couples (at least) who are newly divorced or are in the process of getting divorced. It's so sad...any way you look at it. Not sure why it is consuming my thoughts and why I let these things sadden me so much...
One couple includes a good friend who had a difficult marriage and seeing it end was "good" for her because she suffered for many years. I was in her wedding. It was such a happy time. But even then there was some issues on the character of her husband. I stood by her and gave him the benefit of the doubt and I supported him and never questioned him or their feelings for each other. Boy was I wrong. She has two small kids, she worked two jobs, cared for sick parents and her adult husband acted more juvenile than the kids. It's still sad though...because he's still managing to make her life miserable. The divorce is final.
Another couple, a favorite aunt/uncle are also splitting up. That's difficult because we feel caught in the middle. It's also hard because all of my memories include them both as a couple...now they are not a couple. Plus when my parents were together and we would visit, I wished my parents could be like them...they looked so happy. However, I've known for a long time that they are not happy. We get first hand accounts from both sides. It's tough for me. Emotions are high and perceptions of each are so warped (and hurt, I guess). They teach me (both aunt and uncle) how not to be in my relationship. The divorce is in progress...
Another couple is my own brother. Throughout their relationship I came to love my sister in law. She really is funny and smart and she has this spunky personality that you just navigate too. They have been separated/divorced now for nearly 3 years (July 2008, just shy of their one year wedding anniversary - this isn't a recent divorce, but something happened over the weekend that reminded me of it). My brother lived us from July 2008 until February 2009. It was a very difficult time. It was messy. It was difficult. It was sad, with lots of tears. One of the saddest times in my life (for more reasons than the divorce). But I had nothing to do with the end of their marriage, but yet when my ex-SIL sees me she turns the other way as if she can't see me. Even at church. So painful. So sad. I know I have no right to be in her life now - she's moved on and is getting married. But it is still very sad. It's like all the good times have been buried by the pain of the separation/divorce (and I know my brother caused the pain). She's entitled to hate me, I'm guilty (or evil) by association, I guess. I'm just sadden by it. Her new husband's family is lucky to have her. As she once emailed me, good luck to you and your future life...And just like that I am written off...sad sad sad. Who knows what could have been???? Divorce is finalized...
Another is a couple at work. I do not know the husband, but I get to hear first hand accounts of the gory details. Its' sorted and messy and the drama is consuming her (and me if I get too close). I could go on and on and on. But it's just plain sad.
The major divorce that I recall is my own parents. There is so much that can be said about that and I will save that for another day. Such a sad story, such a sad life. But it has been more than 20 years. Moving on.
It's hard to see couples end and you do feel like you have to choose sides. I also feel empathy for the couples because I can only imagine the pain and suffering they are feeling inside them. I'm sure they felt as happy as I did on my wedding day...and they planned for their future to be together. And, now, everything is over.
Here's to a brighter tomorrow. Pray for married couples (including Alex and I) to get through the difficulties of everyday life. Pray that we will always be there for each other.
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